Humorous Quotes attributed to Jonathan Swift
1667-1745, Anglo-Irish Satirist
Author of Gulliver's Travels
- A footman may swear; but he cannot swear like a lord. He can swear as often: but can he swear with equal delicacy, propriety, and judgment?
- As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.
- Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.
- Come, agree, the law's costly.
- I never saw, heard, nor read, that the clergy were beloved in any nation where Christianity was the religion of the country. Nothing can render them popular, but some degree of persecution.
- I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.
- I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
- If Heaven had looked upon riches to be a valuable thing, it would not have given them to such a scoundrel.
- It was a bold person that first ate an oyster.
- No wise man ever wished to be younger.
- Nothing is so great an example of bad manners as flattery. If you flatter all the company, you please none; If you flatter only one or two, you offend the rest.
- One of the very best rules of conversation is to never, say anything which any of the company wish had been left unsaid.
- Promises and pie crusts are made to be broken.
- Reason is a very light rider, and easily shook off.
- She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitch fork.
- The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.
- The latter part of a wise person's life is occupied with curing the follies, prejudices and false opinions they contracted earlier.
- Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.
- When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
- Where I am not understood, it shall be concluded that something very useful and profound is couched underneath.
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