Humorous Quotes attributed to Josh Billings
1815-1885, American Humorist, Lecturer

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist -- it reduces him to his fighting weight.

Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.

Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

"Give me liberty, or give me deth"—but ov the 2 I perfer the liberty. (Ice)

Give the devil his due," but be very kerful that thare aint mutch due him. (JoshBillings, Hiz Sayings)

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

I don't care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words.

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles. Safe on her own nose all the time.

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.

It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

Man was kreated a little lower than tha angells and has bin gittin a little lower ever sinse. (Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings)

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

Some folks are wise and some otherwise.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

What the moral army needs just now is more rank and file and fewer brigadier generals.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

When a feller gits a goin down hil, it dus seem as tho evry thing had bin greased for the okashun (Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings)

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