Humorous Quotes attributed to Josh Billings
1815-1885, American Humorist, Lecturer
- About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
- Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist -- it reduces him to his fighting weight.
- Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.
- Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
- As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
- Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.
- Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
- Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
- Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.
- Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
- "Give me liberty, or give me deth"óbut ov the 2 I perfer the liberty. (Ice)
- Give the devil his due," but be very kerful that thare aint mutch due him.
(JoshBillings, Hiz Sayings)
- I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
- I don't care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words.
- If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles. Safe on her own nose all the time.
- It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.
- It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
- Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
- Man was kreated a little lower than tha angells and has bin gittin a little lower
ever sinse. (Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings)
- Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
- Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
- Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
- The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.
- The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
- There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
- There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
- What the moral army needs just now is more rank and file and fewer brigadier generals.
- When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- When a feller gits a goin down hil, it dus seem as tho evry thing had bin greased
for the okashun (Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings)
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