Humorous Quotes attributed to Lenny Bruce
1925-1965, American Comedian
Icon of 'Beat Generation'

A cartoon by Ed Fisher had a judge saying, "Before I pass sentence on you, Lenny Bruce, is there anything you wish to say - anything printable, that is?" (How to Talk Dirty and Influence People)

A lot of people say to me, ''Why did you kill Christ?'' ''I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.'' ''We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him.''

Every day, people are straying away from the church and going back to God. (The Essential Lenny Bruce)

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.

I don't know where it (heaven) is. I know it's not up there ... cause I believe the earth revolves.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

I'm sorry I haven't been funny. I am not a comedian. I am Lenny Bruce.

If something about the human body disgusts you complain to the manufacturer.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

It's a crime to put people in jail for smoking flowers. It's absurd ! (Out Again)

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home and found us in bed together.

One cannot cast the first stone – if already stoned. (How to Talk Dirty and Influence People)

Phillipinos never get arrested for using obscenities. They can't pronounce the letter f. (Out Again)

Take away the right to say 'f*ck' and you take away the right to say 'F*ck the Government.'

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