Humorous Quotes from
Living it up
By George Burns
- There isn’t a thing I can't do now that I didn’t do when I was twenty-one. . . which gives you an idea of how pathetic I was when I was twenty-one.
- I might as well tell you something right here at the beginning of the book. Anytime I can get a laugh I'm not going to let the truth interfere with it.
- While I'm driving along I smile at people in the other cars because I think everybody knows me. But everybody doesn’t. Those who know me smile back, and those who don’t know me think I'm an idiot.
- I love the way I sing. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I'm the greatest singer in show business, however. There are plenty of fellows who sing better than I do; there’s Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, and that’s it.
- At my age I like a little pain once in a while – at least I know I'm alive.
- I'd never died before, but somehow I didn’t think I would like it – Oh, come to think of it, I died in New Haven, Schenectady, and Altoona, but this kind of dying could cancel you out of show business.
- When I finally did get to sleep I had a horrible dream. I dreamed I was alone on a desert island with Ava Gardner and Lana Turner. I suppose you're wondering what would make a dream like that so horrible. In it I was Rita Hayworth.
- Somebody once said if you live long enough, sooner or later everything that can happen to you will happen.
- Let's face it, I'm a very nice man to go out with. The only thing I expect from a girl is for her to light my cigar.
- Last week I went out with a pretty young girl, and she was a plumber. It cost me another $82 and she couldn’t do a damned thing for my pipes.
- I couldn’t possibly tell you about all the writers who worked for me over the years. My memory isn’t what it used to be, there’s a paper shortage, and I don’t want to be late for my bridge game.
- My brother Willy got into trouble on account of his new job. He’s a glassbowler, and yesterday he got the hiccups and blew himself into a bottle. ~ Gracie
- It makes me nervous to wear a dark suit and a dark tie. I always get the feeling there are eight guys in back of me waiting for me to lie down.
- After a week with Lisa she almost had me convinced that I was twenty years old. I was ready to go out and buy a long-haired toupee and rent some pimples.
- I believe you’ve just got to take life as it comes. In the words of one of our foremost philosophers, Doris Day – “Que sera, sera!”
- Now, let me tell you what I meant about acting being easy. To be a good actor all you have to do is listen. In that first scene when Dick Benjamin opened the door and said to me, “Hello, Mr. Lewis, come on in,” I went in. Now that’s good acting! If I had stayed out in the hall, that’s bad acting.
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