Humorous Quotes attributed to Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. (Eruption)

Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired. (Mark Twain, a Biography)

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. (Following the Equator)

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accidents

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink- under any circumstances.

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane...

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

...the principle of give and take- give one and take ten- the principle of diplomacy.

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

We write frankly and fearlessly but then we "modify" before we print.

What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

What, Sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Wine is a bad thing. It makes you quarrel with your neighbor, it makes you shoot at your landlord, it makes you miss him.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

You ought never to take anything that don't belong to you- if you cannot carry it off.

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Humorous Quotes attributed to Mark Twain1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

Have you checked out this super book? Click Here

OLD TIME RADIO

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Humorous Quotes attributed to Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

Have you checked out
this super book?

Click Here

Have you checked out
this super book?

Click Here