Humorous Quotes about
- I married beneath me. All women do. ~ Lady Nancy Astor
- I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. ~ Lewis Grizzard
- Instead of getting married again. I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. ~ Lewis Grizzard
- All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. ~ Lord Byron
- I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness. ~ Lord Byron
- I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. ~ Marie Corelli
- Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it. ~ Mark Twain
- I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then it was too late. ~ Max Kauffman
- Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. ~ Mickey Rooney
- A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. ~ Montaigne
- You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your tricks of war. ~ Napolean Bonaparte
- I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. ~ Noel Coward
- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~ Oscar Wilde
- Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. ~ Oscar Wilde
- Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse. ~ P. G. Wodehouse
- For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to say married, get two. ~ Ray Romano(Everything and a kite)
- Thatís when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream. ~ Ray Romano(Everything and a kite)
- All marriages are happy it's living together afterwards that causes all the problems. ~ Raymond Hull
- I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. ~ Rita Rudner
- I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met! ~ Rodney Dangerfield
- With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! ~ Rodney Dangerfield
- And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. ~ Rudyard Kipling
- I've taken my fun where I've found it,
An' now I must pay for my fun,
For the more you 'ave known o' the others
The less will you settle to one.
~ Rudyard Kipling
- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison
- By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher. ~ Socrates
- Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. ~ Stephen B. Leacock
- I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. ~ W.C Fields
- Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one. ~ W.C. Fields
- "I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many
years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate.
There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad." ~ W.C. Fields
- It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else. ~ Will Rogers
- The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.. ~ Woody Allen
- Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. ~ Zig Ziglar
- A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
- A man in love is incomplete until he he is married. Then he's finished. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
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