Humorous Quotes attributed to Mickey Rooney
1920- , American Actor

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100, 000 short.

Alimony is a big business! It's big business! It's bigger than the A and P! Bigger than the Mafia! It's the fastest-growing business in America! (Life is Too Short)

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.

I'm in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in. (at age 58)

I've always enjoyed the lights of the theater, no wonder that even now, when I open a refrigerator door, I feel like performing. (Life is Too Short)

I'm not an angel and certainly I've made a million mistakes, you know. And I hope I'm around long enough to make a million more. (Life is Too Short)

I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.

I told them (reporters) I had a marriage license that I kept with me at all times. It was made out to "To Whom It May Concern." (Life is Too Short)

So now I was real actor. It was official. The New York Times said so. (Life is Too Short)

The audience and I are friends. They allowed me to grow up with them. I've let them down several times. They've let me down several times. But we're all family.

Women liked me because I made them laugh. What is an orgasm, after all, except laughter of the loins? (Life is Too Short)

You always pass failure on the way to success.

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