Humorous Quotes from
I Never Left Home
By Bob Hope
- In Africa I learned why those hunks of mosquito netting they hang over the beds are called mosquito bars. Thousands of mosquitoes out on the town sneaked in. . . and I was the bar.
- There's no consolation in trying to tell yourself the Nazis don't want you. They may be after much bigger fish, but there's no game warden to make them throw back the little ones.
- Winston Churchill left for Quebec to confer on war strategy with Roosevelt. War strategy . . . that's diplomatic talk meaning "Where and when will we strike the enemy, and how are we going to keep Eleanor out of the cross fire?"
- These men were actually going out into sky so full of flak that the
automatic pilot bails out.
- Every time I stay in one of those grand old English inns I expect
Shakespeare to bring up the towels.
- If a set of bagpipes had four legs, a tail, and a pair of horns I'll bet it
would give milk too.
- He (Bernard Shaw) and I didn't meet. He arranged it.
- I grabbed Churchill's hand and said, "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Churchill." I squeezed as hard as I could, but the ring wouldn't come off.
- To geographers Prestwick is a town. To golfers it's the only eighteen holes in the world that have a mayor and a city hall.
- The guy explained in great detail how to put on the Mae West and how to pull the little string that inflates it automatically. That sounded silly to me. Imagine inflating a Mae West.
- The Pasha needed a big place. He's got 150 wives. And I got a confidential report that he's cheating on the side.
- (In Tunis) You can't walk though the streets without feeling someone is
following you. Of course, when you stop to figure it out, you realize why you have that feeling. Someone always is.
- The whole time you're in Tunis you feel something in the air. Some call it espionage. Some call it counterespionage. But that certain something in the air that seemed most important to me is called mosquitoes.
- When one of those heavy Sahara sandstorms came along it was so hard to see you had to got to bed by instruments.
- Just a few days on that North African desert and you know exactly what a dust storm is. It's when the terra is no longer firma.
- We had a few more Scotch and sodas on our coming mission. I felt great. Soda relaxes me so.
- I don't mind telling you I don't care for my bombing medium. And I don't like it well done either. I've gone up against both. And if I must have bombing, I want it rare - the rarer the better.
- They tell me that after a while you get so you can identify the sound of
each type of gun. It'll take me a little longer than most men, because it's
much harder to hear under a mattress.
- An Arab auction sounds like an ack-ack barrage, only more violent.
- I asked the waiter what kind of wine the Sicilians drank most. He said they drank both red and white, but now that the Americans had come everybody was calling for red, white and blue.
- For about the last three weeks I was a chain-smoker. But then I got tired of chains and went back to smoking tobacco.
- We did a show for a mixed audience of American and British forces.
Naturally, I had a translator.
- We'd stayed at Claridge's the first time we went through London. It was, therefore, suggested that this time we try the Savoy. The suggestion came from Claridge's.
- In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In
Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.
- It's tough to be bored to death. I know. Many a guy I've bored to death has told me.
If you never want to leave home, like Bob Hope, you could probably use this
Have you checked out
this super book?
Have you checked out
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