Humorous Quotes about Telephones / Answering Machines / Crank Calls etc.
The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875. In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone. ~ Bill DeWitt
Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn't be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can't talk now, I'm in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD. ~ Bill Maher (New Rules)
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone. ~ Craig Kilborn
1949 saw the first direct-dialed long-distance telephone call, between New York and San Francisco. Of course, back in that primitive era the parties had to speak to each other manually; today one or both ends of the conversation would be carried on by a machine. ~ Dave Barry (Dave Barry Turns 50)
What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell you magazine subscriptions in the middle of the night. ~ Dave Barry (Bad Habits)
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none. ~ Doug Larson
One son appears in stereo – a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.. ~ Erma Bombeck (The Grass is Greener...)
Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League. ~ Erma Bombeck (Motherhood, The Second Oldest Profession)
Everyone I talked to was a recording – the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person. ~ Erma Bombeck (Motherhood, The Second Oldest Profession)
Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn’t want our daughter to marry one. ~ Erma Bombeck (Just Wait till you have children of your own)
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. ~Fran Lebowitz
[Answering the phone] Hello, this is a recording, you've dialed the right number, now hang up and don't do it again. ~ Frank Sinatra(Ocean's Eleven, 1960)
I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end. ~Fred Couples
Hate Talking to Machines?
I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say – they all say this; it must be Item One on the curriculum in Trend College – “I just hate to talk to a machine!” They say this as though it is a major philosophical position, as opposed to a description of a minor neurosis. My feeling is, if you have a problem like this, you shouldn’t go around trumpeting it; you should stay home and practice talking to a machine you can feel comfortable with, such as your Water Pik, until you are ready to assume your place in modern society.
~ Dave Barry's Greatest Hits
Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven’t been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it. ~ George Burns (How to live to be 100)
Many a man wishes he were strong enough to tear a telephone book in half-especially if he has a teenage daughter. ~ Guy Lombardo
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go, "Excuse me, I'm not here right now, If you just leave a message, I can walk away." ~ Jerry Seinfeld (SeinLanguage)
A woman is a person who reaches for a chair when she answers the telephone. ~ Milton Wright
Tell me about yourself — your struggles, your dreams, your telephone number. ~ Peter Arno
[Reviewing the New York City Telephone Directory] But it is the opinion of the present reviewer that the weakness of plot is due to the great number of characters which clutter up the pages. The Russian school is responsible for this. ~ Robert Benchley (Of All Things)
The telephone is the greatest single enemy of scholarship; for what our intellectual forebears used to inscribe in ink now goes once over a wire into permanent oblivion. ~ Stephen Jay Gould
She needed help, but God was in a meeting whenever she rang. ~ Tom Robbins (Jitterbug Perfume)
As expected, you get his machine. Someday, even the "call of nature" will be answered by a machine. ~ Tom Robbins (Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas)
You wonder if God doesn't have an answering machine to screen out the prayers of the venal and the boring? And in which category has he placed you? ~ Tom Robbins (Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas)
Have you checked out
this super book?
Back to Humorous Quotes
WorkingHumor.com now has a Facebook Page. It's still a baby, hasn't learnt how to dance yet
but maybe you're the one we're waiting for, to get the party started ;o! Check it out here