Humorous Quotes from
Games Rednecks Play
- I hadn't been this excited since the last Victoria's Secret catalogue came
in the mail.
- The underwear they make these days is so skimpy Victoria doesn't have a
whole lot of secrets left.
- Growing up, my mom used to fuss at me. She'd say "you keep wearing those
boxer shorts your thing's going to hang down to your knees." So what's the
downside of the argument here?
- My whole thought is The Olympics in Georgia (1996) ... God you know we're
going to screw that up! I guarantee you when they let those doves go at the
opening ceremony there are going to be guys in the parking lot with
shotguns! ... And we will not have a flame that big without a pig on it!
- If I'm around my family for more than a week I start having fantasies that
maybe I'm adopted !
- If you're growing up and your parents aren't crazy you got to ask yourself -
"Where did I go wrong?"
- As a parent when you have sex your body emits a harmone that will drift down
the hall, into your child's room and make them want a drink of water.
- You learn a lot from your kids. Like, just a few days ago I learnt that you
can get three boxes of raisins into the cassette player of a jeep. I didn't
know that !
- Our oldest child has discovered the little silver handle on the back of the
toilet. She's making more things disappear than David Copperfield.
- The rule around our house is, if it ain't broke it ain't ours !
- When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex
everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex,
you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.
- I took myself out of the gene pool about eleven weeks ago. Went and got the
little snip, took the bullets out of the gun. Now you can point it at
anybody, they don't care.
- Wasn't mooning a great sport? Nobody ever got hurt. You didn't have to be in
shape to play. The fatter you were the more you brought to the window.
- It's not a desirable job (designated driver), but if you ever get sucked
into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at
the wrong house.
- Drunks will give you money for anything. Cram as many of them as you can fit
into your car. On the way home stop at every gas station you come to, get
out pretend like you're putting gas in the car, make them pay for a full
damn tank. You make 4-5 hundred dollars in a 10 mile stretch.
- If you've been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws, you might be
- If you've ever been accused of lying through your tooth, you might be a
- If somebody hollers hoedown and your girlfriend hits the floor, you might be
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