Humorous Quotes attributed to Richard Pryor
1940-2005, American Comedian, Actor
- A hundred and twenty five years... Oh God, Oh God... I'll be a hundred and sixty one when I get out. ~ Stir Crazy
- Casey, where did you find this man? Is there an asshole convention in town? ~ Moving
- Eddie Murphy: Last asswhoopin' I got was... what, 27 years ago?
Richard Pryor: Yeah, when the doctor slapped your ass.
Eddie Murphy: Yeah, and I'm still lookin' for him!
~ Harlem Nights
- For 18 months I've been trying to get a job on your newspaper, but the only black people you hire do windows, mop floors and kiss ass. I don't like it, I've tried it. ~ The Toy
- He was doing a sentence - triple life! How do you do triple life? I mean if he die and then come back he has to go back to the penitentiary? "F*** Kindergarten, get your little ass back to the penitentiary!" ~ Live on The Sunset Strip
- I don't want to go to jail because there are robbers and rapers and rapers who rape robbers. ~ Superman 3
- I don't want to never see no more police in my life, at my house, taking my arse to jail, for killing my car. ~ Live in Concert
- I gotta pull up my boots real high because the bullshit is getting thicker.
~ The Toy
- I had some great things and I had some bad things. The best and the worst. In other words, I had a life.
- I liked to go hunting with him (father) but I hated being the dog. ~
Live in Concert
- I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, I wanna grow up and be a critic.
- I went to the real jungle. Not that shit Tarzan live in. Tarzan wouldn't last a week in Africa. ~ Live on The Sunset Strip
- I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour.
- If somebody pull a knife at you and you can't pull nothing but a hand with some skin on it ... your intelligence ought to tell you to ... run !!
~ Live in Concert
- If you ever have to go to the hospital carry your own piss with you... Coz, that's what they want, soon as you get to hospital... they want some blood and some piss. You always have the blood but you never have the piss. ~ Live in Concert
- Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and
- My father died while he was f****ing. He came and went at the same time. ~ Live in Concert
- So I got a doberman ... right ! Somebody stole him ... that's how bad he
was! ~ Live in Concert
- The mafia people appeal to your intellect - "You're an intelligent person aren't you ? So you realize it's very difficult to walk without knees." ~ Live on The Sunset Strip
- Then the police came . . . I went into the house. Cause they got Magnums too. And they don't kill cars. They kill nigars. ~ Live in Concert
- There's a thin line between to laugh with and to laugh at.
- There's nothing worse than being an aging young person.
- When you ain't got no money, you gotta get an attitude.
- Why get killed when you can run ... your ego will heal much faster than a broken jaw. ~ Live in Concert
- You know when you die, when you're 89 got you're children and grandchildren around your bed... that's cool. It an't cool to die at 27.
~ Harlem Nights
- (To box) You gotta keep your legs in shape. You gotta run 4-5 miles a day. Ali runs backwards... because that's the way he fights. ~ Live in Concert
- You don't f*** with them double moslems. Coz they can't wait to get to Allah ... and take 8-9 people with them. ~ Live on The Sunset Strip
- You work your butt off and somebody says you can't have your record played because it offends them. Tyrants are made of such stuff.
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