Humorous Quotes from Tom Robbins'
Skinny Legs and all

A mocking bird in south Carolina was heard to blend the songs of thirty two different kinds of birds into a ten-minute performance, a virtuoso display that served no practical purpose, falling, therefore, into the realm of pure art.

When humans were young, they were pushed around in strollers. When they were old, they were pushed around in wheel-chairs. In between, they were just pushed around.

High heels, they put a woman that much closer to heaven.

The Jew gets things accomplished. The Arab dreams – and converses with the moon.

Early religions were like muddy ponds with lots of foliage. Concealed there, the fish of the soul could splash and feed. Eventually, however, religions became aquariums. Then, hatcheries. From farm fingerling to frozen fish stick is a short swim.

A longing for the Divine is intrinsic in Homo sapiens. (for all we know, it is innate in squirrels, dandelions, and diamond rings, as well.)

Each modern religion has boasted that it and it alone is on speaking terms with the Deity, and its adherents have been quite willing to die – or kill - to support its presumptuous claims.

Religion is nothing but institutionalized mysticism. The catch is, mysticism does not lend itself to institutalization. The moment we attempt to organize mysticism, we destroy its essence.

Favorite Long Quote/Extract
Religion was an attempt to pin down the Divine. The Divine was eternally in flux, forever moving, shifting shape. That was its nature. It was absolute, true enough: absolutely mobile. Absolutely transcendent goddess aspects, but it was ultimately no more male or female than it was star or screwdriver. It was the sum of all those things, but that sum could never be chalked on a slate. The Divine was beyond description, beyond knowing, beyond comprehension. To say that the Divine was Creation divided by Destruction was as close as one could come to definition. But the puny of soul, the dull of wit, weren’t content with that. They wanted to hang a face on the Divine. They went so far as to attribute petty human emotions [anger, jealousy, etc.] to it, not stopping to realize that if God were a being, even a supreme being, our prayers would have bored him to death long ago.

They sat her down, poured her a glass of Kuwaiti wine, and insisted that she explain why her aura looked like the ring around a coal miner’s collar.

The radios that pass by here play nothing but rap music. Sounds like somebody feeding a rhyming dictionary to a popcorn popper.

Of the Seven Dwarfs, the only one who shaved was Dopey. That should tell us something about the wisdom of shaving .

They found Verlin on his feet again, although ashen and dazed; his fly open to the four winds, the seven seas, the twelve apostles, and ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.

Don’t trust anybody who’d rather be grammatically correct than have a good time.

In Jerusalem I get the feeling that I'm leering at the panty outline of history.

To the connoisseur, adequacy is insulting.

A waiter arrived with a tray of falafel, the one item on the menu that didn’t taste as if it had been scraped off the wick of Aladdin’s lamp.

Word spread like a skin disease in a nudist colony.

Once a fellow breaks down and hires his first attorney, he has gone and booked himself passage aboard the hand basket to Hades.

As was customary in modern election campaigns, fair play was shunned from the start.

I feel like handing over my purse to the first ol’ boy I meet on the corner, save him the trouble of fleecing me.