Humorous Quotes from
- To me, the definition of redneck is a glorious absense of sophestication.
- Rednecks think mutual funds means everybody's having a good time.
- Sophesticated people have retirement plans; rednecks ... play the lottery.
That's our retirement plan.
- Sophesticated people play chess; rednecks can amuse ourselves for hours with
a sheet of bubblewrap.
- When we first got married and my wife would say to me "We need to talk" I'd
make the mistake of talking! And everytime I talked I got my butt in more
and more trouble.
- In marriage you just have to learn the rules and rule no. 1 - If she ain't
happy, you ain't happy!
- In 13 years my wife and I have created a beautiful home together, by that I
mean she created it and we're together.
- The day after we got married my wife was walking through the house talking
to my furniture like a flight attendant at the end of a flight - "Bye, Bye!
Bye, Bye! Bye, Bye!"
- Never ever do you hear men say "I hate my hair." Cause as long as it's still
there we like it and we're not going to say anything ugly about it that
might make it get up and leave.
- Being married is kinda like being in the National Guards, we may not be
seeing as much action as the front line but we're living to fight another
- Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
- Whoever said all men are created equal has never been in a locker room.
- Women, bless your heart, you're always trying to make us feel better - "Oh
Honey, it's not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean." Well,
that may be true, but it takes a long time getting to England in a row boat!
- If your working television sits on top of your non-working television you
might be a redneck.
- If a tornado hits your neighbourhood and does a 100000$ worth of improvement
you might be a redneck.
- If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher you might be a
- If you've ever asked the preacher "How's it hanging?" you might be a
- If you think fast food is hitting the deer at 65mph you might be a redneck.
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