Humorous Quotes attributed to Will Rogers
1879-1935, American Humorist, Actor

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow is too lazy to form an opinion.

Communism is like prohibition, it is a good idea, but it won't work.

Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.

Everybody is ignorant. Only on different subjects.

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. (The Illiterate Digest)

Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

Horses raise what the farmer eats and eats what the farmer raises.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I wonder if it isn't just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

In the early days of the Indian Territory, there were no such things as birth certificates. You being there was certificate enough.

Legalize racing in every State. Sure people will bet, but they get to see the horses run and you certain can't see General Motors and General Electric and General Utility run when you bet on them. (New York Times, April 4, 1932)

Lord, let me live until I die.

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

Now don't let them tell you it hasn't been hot here in California the past few weeks. Brother it's been roasting, and we haven't got the usual Alibi, "It's the humidity."

Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

The person with the best job in the country is the vice president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ''How is the president?''

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.

Things will get better -- despite our efforts to improve them.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?

They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.

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