Humorous Quotes from
Still Life with Woodpecker
By Tom Robbins
- I sense that novel of my dreams is in the
Remington SL3 - although it writes much faster than I can spell.
- This baby (the Remington SL3 typewriter) speaks
electric Shakespeare at the slightest provocation and will rap out a page
and a half if you just look at it hard.
- There is a similarity between juggling and
composing on the typewriter. The trick is, when you spill something, make it
look like a part of the act.
- Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced,
not because it has been sober, responsible and cautious, but because it has
been playful, rebellious, and immature.
- Her surname resembled a line from an
optometrist's examination chart.
- Society had a crime problem. It hired cops to
attack crime. Now society has a cop problem.
- Hawaii made the mouth of her soul water.
- They'd be no threat to me. I have a black belt
in Haiku. And a black vest in the cleaners.
- "I'll bet I'm as old as you are."
"I'm older than Sanskrit."
"Well, I was waitress as the Last Supper."
"I'm so old I remember when McDonald's had only sold a hundred
- There are essential and inessential insanities.
The latter are solar in character, the former are linked to the moon.
- Sharks are the criminals of the sea. Dolphins
are the outlaws.
- She lunched on papaya poo poo or mango mu mu or
some other fruity foo foo bursting with overripe tropican vowels.
- There are two kinds of people in this world :
those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who
are smart enough to know better.
- He looked at her with that kind of painted-on
seriousness that comedians shift into when they get their chance to play
- The man and woman firmly shook hands. The
solution to the overpopulation problem might rest in such handshakes.
- A better world has gotta start somewhere. Why
not with you and me?
- If you're honest, you sooner or later have to
confront your values. Then you're forced to separate what is right from what
is merely legal. This puts you metaphysically on the run. America is full of
- They snuggled closer, and when they were as
close as they could get without being behind one another, they commenced to
- This stuff's so fine Julius Caesar called for
it with his dying breath. 'A toot, Brutus,' is what he said.
- Something has got to hold it together. I'm
saying my prayers to Elmer, the Greek god of glue.
- "I'll follow him to the ends of the
earth," she sobbed. Yes, darling. But the earth doesn't have any ends.
Columbus fixed that.
- A rabbi's dog could score pork chops in the
streets of Tel Aviv easier than Bernard could acquire tequila in King County
- She tried out the chamber pot, although she
really had nothing to contribute.
- Any half-awake materialist well knows - that
which you hold holds you.
- The first time that she spread her legs for him
it had been like opening her jaws for the dentist.
- Funny how we think of romance as always
involving two, when the romance of solitude can be ever so much more delicious and intense.
- I'll never write another novel on an electric
typewriter. I'd rather use a sharp stick and a little pile of dogshit.
- It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
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