Advice is cheap Ms. Molloy. It’s the things that come gift wrapped that count! (Hello Dolly)

Eighty percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in danger of contamination. (Hello Dolly)
I know him. He’s too nervous to kill himself. Wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie. (The Odd Couple)
Lies, not lies – alternatives. Sometimes the truth doesn’t quite fit. (I’m not Rappaport)
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
One more word, and I’ll make a citizen’s arrest for crimes against the language. (I’m not Rappaport)
For all kind of Walter Matthau related stuff like movies, posters and even autographed pictures. All being auctioned at ebay. To check what treat lies waiting for you today …

The doctor told me to exercise for my heart condition. Then he tells me to rest for my hepatitis. I’m in a dilemma. So, I compromise. I do pushups in bed.
This quitting thing, it’s a hard habit to break once you start. (Bad News Bears)
We just used so many metaphors I forgot what the hell we were talking about.
(Odd Couple II)
(When questioned about rumors that he had colon cancer) The tumor was non-belligerent.
Why don’t you do the world a favor? Pull your lip over your head and swallow. (Grumpier Old Men)
You can’t spend the rest of your life crying. It annoys people in the movies. (The Odd Couple)