Humorous Quotes from
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
By Douglas Adams

Mr. L. Prosser was, as they say, only human. In other words he was a carbon-based bipedal life form descended from an ape.

Time is an illusion. Lunch time doubly so.

The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat.

Charming man, I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry . . .

It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.
‘What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?’
‘You ask a glass of water.’

Prostetnic Bogon Jeltz smiled very slowly. This was done not so much for effect as because he was trying to remember the sequence of muscle movements.

I don’t want to die now! I've still got a headache! I don’t want to go to heaven with a headache, I’d be all cross and wouldn’t enjoy it!

Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist, but that’s just peanuts to space.

Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.

Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much – the wheel, New York, wars and so on – whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man – for precisely the same reasons.

The Answer to the Great Question . . . of Life, the Universe and Everything . . . Is . . . Forty-two.

‘Do you want me to kick you?’ said Ford.
‘Would it give you a lot of pleasure?’ said Zaphod, blearily.
‘No.’
‘Nor me. So what’s the point?

‘That’s it,’ said Zaphod with the sort of grin that would get most people locked away in a room with soft walls.

I’d far rather be happy than right any day.

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