Humorous Quotes attributed to Somerset Maugham
1874-1965, British Novelist, Playwright

Anyone can tell the truth, but only very few of us can make epigrams.

At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely.

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of habit.

Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequences than to have a really affectionate mother.

Habits in writing as in life are only useful if they are broken as soon as they cease to be advantageous.

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything for myself that I could pay others to do for me.

It is dangerous to let the public behind the scenes. They are easily disillusioned and then they are angry with you, for it was the illusion they loved.

It is funny about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the very best you will very often get it.

It is well to remember that grammar is common speech formulated.

It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.

I've always been interested in people, but I've never liked them.

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The easiest way to exalt one man is to kick another in the pants. (Cakes and Ale)

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

Tradition is a guide and not a jailer.

What mean and cruel things men do for the love of God.

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